did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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