my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
