I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
