So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My ATM looks so different sober.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
