I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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