I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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