do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
