tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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