oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
