drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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