Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
