I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he puts the penis in happiness.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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