I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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