All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
