Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
