ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I looked at my own cervix.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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