and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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