i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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