I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
