OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
