Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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