Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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