Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
