i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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