I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
