I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
