so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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