he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
