I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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