I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
