My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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