Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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