in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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