Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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