i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
