I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
