I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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