to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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