this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize