The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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