we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
