I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
