Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
