He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
