you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
