If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
