chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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