did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
