I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
