Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
