Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
