this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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