i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
wow bdsm is so cute
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
