She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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