Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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