Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
