well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
