OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
