I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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