My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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