it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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