can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
