I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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