Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
