I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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