i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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