his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
as a side note pls kill me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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