The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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