i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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