Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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