In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
