Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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