I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize