dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
