you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
