Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
