Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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