she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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