just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize